journal [archive]

January 23, 2003
.9:01 PM
This morning i waited over 30 minutes for the #17 to arrive. Initially, the cold was somewhat tolerable, but by the 15-20 minute mark, my feet were starting to feel numb. By 30 minutes I was convinced that I was pretty damn close to frostbite. When I finally arrived at work (an hour later), my feet were still somewhat numb.

On a totally unrelated note, I went out and bought a Microsoft Trackball Explorer. i'm not sure if I really need it but it's supposed to be more ergonomic than a traditonal mouse. I'm still trying to get used to the buttons, but overall I don't have any real complaints yet. In any case, I'll have 10 days to return it if I'm really hating it.


.1:31 AM
There's something sort of troubling me at the moment. I met someone tonight (a friend of a friend) and she blurted out that I physically reminded her of her ex. How am i supposed to respond to something like this? I just sat there with a foolish look on my face. In any case, it's kind of freaky cuz I always thought I looked somewhat unique in my opinion. I say this because in my lifetime, I have been mistaken (by other asians) as being japanese (by a korean girl in LA, toronto chinatown), korean (by chinese friends, and some korean people), laotian WTF!!!?! (by some lady on my flight to hk), and mainlander ugggggh (at badminton). I guess it seems strange to me because I've never been compared with anyone else at least not explicitly. So I sat there not sure of how she would react next. Not sure of what to really do, I tried changing the subject while keeping an eye on her to make sure she wasn't going to do something violent to me. So ya, that was my day.


January 21, 2003
.11:18 PM
Lately I've been trying to find meaning in my life that goes beyond doing good for my company, and being a good friend to my friends. I've been thinking a lot during my long commutes about doing something that would help the world instead of just settling for the status quo and becoming a nobody. I mean, there's too many people that are content with being average, middle-class, suburban etc etc. It kind of sickens me that I'm slowly turning into this middle-class guy with no particular dreams or aspirations beyond work and family. There has to be more in life, right/wrong? But of course, I'm anything but normal and I have the chinky eyes and height to prove it [god.. i'm such a cliche.. all i need is the bowl haircut and i'm set]. In all seriousness, I have always wanted to do something that changes the world or helps out the world in a good and unselfish way. Unfortunately, such a task is much easier to blog than to do. You see, I'm a person of contradictions and that's what sort of irks me. Paradoxically I can sympathize with the leftists, but then I'll run out and buy something from the Gap. I've read about the horrors of the fast food industry, yet I will still on occasion venture into McDonalds. The truth is, I'm politically aware, but not political enough to demonstrate or organize rallys. Regretably, I just don't have the guts to do things like that. Maybe one day.

Another thing I've been asking myself a lot is - what am I doing to advance the lives of asian-canadians or more specifically chinese-canadians? What's my contribution? Am I helping to advance the lives of my group? Lately I've been wishing that I was more extroverted so that I can speak up for everytime that some fuckers called me a chink. Everytime I got my ass kicked in elementary school for being different I wish I could have fought back. And to every person who has ever assumed that I don't speak a word of english because of the fold in my eyes. And finally fuck hollywood for only casting asian male actors in martial arts movies.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a bitter person. I just wish I had more in me to fight the power.

"If you wanna fight the power get the power to fight." - Jurassic 5




January 15, 2003
.11:13 PM
music that has been keeping me thinking/dreaming/alive lately:

maserati - language of cities
flaming lips - yoshimi battles the pink robots
godspeed you! black emperor - yanqui u.x.o.
mr. lif - i phantom

i don't know why everyone's hyping the new root's album phrenology. am i the only one not feeling it?


.11:03 PM
Okay, so this is my first official rant of the new year and it has to do with cocky Waterloo people. I was just surfing from web page to web page (blog hopping i suppose) and noticed that some Waterloo graduates feel the need to display scanned versions of their Diplomas on their front page. I mean WTF? Don't get me wrong man, waterloo is a good school, but to brag about shit like that? All I can do is laugh at those grads that think that just because they have their fucking degree they're set in this world. No wonder people from other schools think we're cocky. If you think you're hot shit, prove it to the world with your skills, not by bragging with your diploma. Are you trying to compensate for something else?

Oh and don't even get me started with cocky co-op students. (I'll save this for another rant)


January 1, 2003
.9:42 PM
On Monday I rented 'Waking Life' which I finally watched today. I had previously watched snippets of it when I downloaded a really shitty copy earlier in the summer. The story is basically about this one guy who goes around and carries on conversations with people from all walks of life. There's not really much of a story line here so I'm sure that joe average will probably fall asleep or throw their arms up in anger at this so called movie. It's through the conversations with the different people that I was able to gain some different perspectives on what life is and who we are and what our role is in society. There seemed to be a recurring theme in many of the conversations. One that sort of hit home if you will is the notion that we're all ants and that instead of having and experiencing real human moments, we're trapped in this ant colony where our responses are canned and almost automatic and predefined. "Would you like ketchup with that?" "Here's your change." "Thank you." "How are you doing?". None of these moments are really real they're robotic. My mind immediately tried to play back an average day for myself. Get on the bus. Drop the token in. "Transfer please." silence. There's gotta be 30-40 people on the bus but nobody talks.

So anyway, I went off on a major tangent there. I apologize in advance for the run-on sentences and bad punctunation.

So it's the new year already. A new start. A new change to fix past mistakes. The balls in my court now.


This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?