Okay so it appears that I haven't written much lately. Let's recap the last 2 weeks. I was sick for most of the first week. I had this cold/flu that just didn't go away. It was a painful week but I managed to survive it and get all my stuff done at work. This past week has been going alright. I've been keeping busy with work and this weekend is the
. Check it out if you can. I'll be down there Sunday to help out with the festivities. Also, friday is Buy Nothing Day. Curb your capitalistic urges for one day and truly support this good cause.
.9:52 PM
My phone started ringing loudly at around 10:00am. I was too exhausted to bother getting up to answer it so I just let it ring. After 10 minutes, it rang again and again I didn't answer. Then, after 30 minutes I finally caved in and picked up the phone. I was fucking tired and my throat was hurting like hell; I really didn't feel like talking to anyone. It turns it out that it was my parents. I don't mind talking to them - usually.
Today was a little different. My father mentioned that my new mastercard was mailed home. Great. Then he asked about what I had planned for today (sunday). I said not much. I felt really tired and it was pouring outside. Truthfully I didn't really feel like doing anything. My father then went into a whole spiel about doing more things and not just "locking myself in my room". He seems to think that when I don't have plans I'm boring and I'm a loser. Fuck. How the fuck am I supposed to respond to something like this?
Anyway, I think my father and mother are worried about me. It's almost like what I posted on 11/5/2002 is coming to life. My parents are starting to wonder when and if I'm ever going to hook up with someone. I have no girlfriend. I don't have anyone that I could even consider a prospect at this moment. I'm living in a city in which I was not born and raised in. "Meet more people...." The more I thought about what they said, the more upset I became. I mean, honest to god, I'm trying my fucking hardest, but ... ugh.
I still wonder if it's too late. I know how irrational this sounds, but I really should have hooked up with someone in university. Especially at waterloo, if you found someone, you hold on to them for fear that there's no one else. This way of thinking is totally irrational but given how there's no mention of anyone new, my parents have genuine reason to be afraid/worried. I'm sorry this was too personal. i just had to get this off my chest.
Anyway, this is totally unrelated... pictures from yesterday are up
dave's imagestation.
November 7, 2002
.12:04 AM
Today as I approached the intersection of king and yonge to head to the subway, from the corner of my eye, a metal sign that fell out of nowhere onto the cold pavement. If I was walking 3 steps west, I would have been struck by this falling sign. After being shocked by the loud thud, I kept walking into the subway station into an unusually full subway car at 6:30pm. That was about exciting as my day was. I suppose I could talk about work, but I really don't feel like it. I'm out..
November 5, 2002
.9:38 PM
I jumped on bus #17, and eagerly waited to head home. I looked at my watch and it was 8:30pm. Damn it was late. I looked out the window and it was raining hard. Even though I was listening to my music, I had a hard time focusing and escaping in my music. All I could think about is my life and where it's going. Lately it feels like my life is just work. Weekdays I tend to get home late and there doesn't seem to be much time for myself. I wonder how much longer this is going to continue.
I kept asking myself "is this it?". Is this what life post-university is like? My biggest fear is not of dying or giving a speech in front of everyone - it's the fear that I'll still be like this when I'm 30. You know, confused, empty and single. I really don't want to end up on the fringe of society and become the person that everyone is too embarassed to talk to. Fuck. It certainly doesn't help that I'm not proactively talking to people/strangers etc. My mind is already cluttered with self-doubts already as it is. If only things were easier.