|technical support engineer|
|I have a story. It's a story about a customer that I deal with at work.
"Hello, what error are you receiving when trying to run the software?" - stale
"I don't know. I just uninstalled the software and then asked for support cause I'm lonely and have nobody to talk to 'cause I'm 400lbs and I sweat a lot so nobody wants to speak to me let alone sleep with me. I just need company" - customer
"Oh, I see. Would it be possible for you to send me a report from the program so that I may debug your situation?" - stale
"No I can't. You should be able to figure out my problem merely by speaking with my fucking fat ass on the phone. Any information that I need to provide will not be provided because my fucking fat twinkie-esque fingers can't hit the keys clear enough to type the name of the file that I'd like to attach to an email. In fact, I'd rather just complain about the shit support I'm getting in hopes that I can then have you and your manager on the phone. I've never talked to two men before in my life, being that I'm 400lbs and sit in front of an NT Server all day trying to figure out user manager while eating a box of ho-ho's." - customer
"Uh huh, well I really do need that report in order to debug your situation. Without it, I'm unable to clearly address the problem. Please send me the report before I kill you." - stale