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coleslaw wrestling and redneck assholes 2001-02-22 02:01:00
by obrien
I'm a little pissed right now, prolly more than Laird is about the whole Penguin computing crap... This will be a long post, so don't bitch. But I definitely think it's worth reading.

If anybody out there actually reads my posts, you'll know that I was thinking about mud wrestling because my friend Kelly was all for it.... Well, we went down there tonight to have some fun... I'll just say that at the time, I wasn't planning on wrestling. And FYI, it was coleslaw tonight, not mud.

Kelly signed up to wrestle, and the girl she was wrestling turned out to be my old waitress from Denny's... We talked before the match, and both her and Kelly had the same philosophy- mud/coleslaw wrestling was supposed to be fun. No ass-kicking, super-competitive I'm-gonna-beat-your-ass-outside-if-I-lose kinda shit.

This girl, Sam, was really small, but the undefeated champion of mud wrestling. She kicked Kelly's ass, they had a good time.

Afterward, the "referee" came up and said that there was a guy who wanted to wrestle both Kelly and Sam at the same time. Whatever, who wouldn't want to roll around in the coleslaw with some half-naked girls. This is supposed to be fun, right? We all figured that he'd lose anyway 'cause how was he gonna pin 2 girls at once.

Well, I figured he was kinda perverted, but so were most of the guys in there... they just wanted to see some titties... But soon into the match it became apparent that he was only there to molest some young girls. He ripped off Sam's clothes (ALL of them) and ripped off Kelly's shorts and underwear (he popped the button off her shorts and broke the zipper) AND had his head buried in Sam's tits and crotch...

That really pissed me off, because he wasn't wrestling at all, he was practically raping her. Remember, this was a big fat redneck.

So, round one was over and I was pissed. I started yelling something at the guy (I don't remember, but it was something like "Stop raping Sam you pervert.") So, to be an asshole, he lobbed a big handful of coleslaw and drenched me in nastiness.

Which REALLY pissed me off. The girl next to me was really pissed that he was groping Sam and so when I looked at her she just held out her hands and took my purse and shit.

So I jumped in the ring- shoes, jeans, jacket and all. At this point he was completely on top of Sam, and Kelly was doing her best to pull him off. I grabbed his boxers in an attempt to yank them off (like he did to Sam) and ripped them and racked his nuts in the process.

He was not getting off Sam. I reached to grab something, like his hair, but he was completely covered in nastiness so I couldn't get a good grip. I was so close to pounding him in the back of his head, but for some unknown fucking reason, I thought "No, this is supposed to be fun, and besides, you might get kicked out."

So I didn't punch him. I'm soooooOOOOoo pissed that I didn't because it turns out that he was holding Sam down by her throat. The ref broke it up (after he'd had her down for more than a minute) and the girls were declared the winners.

I was still pissed, although I didn't know that Sam was hurt. She had 10-inch long bloody scratches all over her back and she could barely breathe.

So a few minutes later, we saw the guy near the bathroom. Sam, this tiny little 100 pound girl, stuck him right in the face and he fell over. Me and Kelly cornered him in the bathroom and Kelly was yelling about how he had choked Sam and what a fucking asshole he was.

So he pushed her. I pushed him into a stall where some unfortunate guy was pissing and tried to kick his ass, but some jock jumped in the middle of it. I was yelling about how he was NOT gonna touch my friend like that and he pushed her again. So I started yelling something about gouging out his eyeballs and shitting down his neck or something. The jock broke it up and started escorting the guy outside. As they were leaving, Kelly spat in the asshole's face...

I thought that was the end of it, but a few minutes later the jock came up to me and said that I'd spat in HIS face. I told him that first, it was Kelly, not me, and second, she'd spat in the asshole's face and hadn't meant to hit him. He said he was "really upset about that."

What the fuck, you jump in the middle of a fight and get pissed that someone accidentally spit on you? He's lucky he didn't get accidentally punched in the face.

But as we were leaving, we stopped to talk to the guy at the door. He was claiming that the asshole had had 4 big bite marks on him. I said, what the fuck? If someone twice your size was choking you wouldn't you bite them too? He said that the asshole only had Sam down for a split second before they broke it up, so Sam must have bit him before that and that he was only trying to stop her. Yeah, my ass. He had her down long enough for me to climb over the rope and jump in the ring, adjust my pants 'cause my ass was hanging out, rip his boxers off, try to pull him off her, and comtemplate ripping his hair out and punching him in the head. I'm betting it was AT LEAST a minute that he was choking her.

But either way, we're going to both boxing and wrestling next week. If we see him either night, we're kicking his ass.... I'm probably going to get arrested for assault....