I make alcoholic cider for St. Patrick's day... It's not too complicated- throw some sugar and yeast in a gallon of non-alcoholic cider, put a balloon over the mouth, and let it sit in your closet for a couple of weeks... It comes out tasting like flat apple-flavored beer.... But thanks to my Bio professor, now I know how to referment it into the nice carbonated stuff... I'd always thought it was more complicated than throwing a little more yeast in there and corking the bottle... And thanks to that How Science Works book, I know how to make a ghett0 still and distill my cider.... Since I can control the alcohol content, I'm planning on making it 50-75 proof.... I'm gonna make half of it carbonated, 15 proof cider, and half somewhere between wine and liquor.... So you can have a few shots of the distillled shit, and then relax with a couple of bottles of the yummy fizzy stuff...

And you, you fuckin' cunt, get off that pint, it's mine!