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Things that go *splat* in the night 2000-12-04 02:23:03
by caridwen
In some ways I believe that symbols, thoughts, items, names, and the like won't effect a person unless they believe in it. If a friend of mine brought over a piece of shit and told me that all I had to do was rub it all over my body and I'd live forever, I wouldn't believe him. In fact, I'd probably ask him what drugs he was on, and wether or not he'd share.
On the other hand, I think that even if just one person believes in something, then it can effect another thing within the enviroment, wether that thing believes in it or not. I guess it's a question of how much faith one is willing to put into certain things. To support this, I have a bit of my past that's pretty interesting, But first, some background.
In many old tribal religions throughout the world, a priest or shaman will let his blood, or the blood of another, when he/she begins a ritual. This is well documented with the Aztec culture, and has been hinted at with the Druids. This phenomena is also found in eastern religions, and many primative cultures scattered all over the world.
Within these cultures it was (and is) firmly believed that by drawing forth your blood, or the blood of another, and then focusing on it, you can call forth a spirit to do whatever you needed done. Many would argue that such a thing couldn't possibly happen unless one believed in it. That one had to believe that by drawing your blood and concentrating, you could bring forth a spirit of some sort. I can understand this, but I have reason to think it's a load of shit.
When I was fourteen, I was putting three to six inch long gashes into my flesh whenever I felt completely and totally hopeless. I would sit in my room, take out some sort of sharp object and cut myself to ribbons till I was soaking in blood. I never believed that this would lead to anything except some minor blood loss and a reason to wear long sleeved shirts. I had no belief anywhere in my heart or soul that I what I was doing would attract a creature or spirit. Well, a demon whose name I still wake up screaming believed that just my actions were enough, and It followed me around for a long time.
This fucker would move shit, break things, trip me, dirty my clothes, fuck with my family, walk my halls, scare my dogs, and give me terrible nightmares where It did terrible things to me and my family. Whenever something went wrong, or I got upset, or my grades dropped.. It would whisper to me about all kinds of things. It'd say I should hurt people, or kill people, or do more drugs. It would want me to do things that wouldn't help me or anything else, but would keep me in my depression.
I remember on more then one occasion taking the knife I had last used to hurt myself and breaking it then once throwing it anyway. I even buried it once. No matter how destroyed it was, he next time I got upset or depressed, I'd find it lying on my bed, or on a shelf, in the middle of my floor in one piece and nicely sharpened.
Needless to say, I found a way to remove It. One day I got so sick of it that I prayed for the first time since I was seven years old. I said, "Jesus, please help me. I fucked up really fucking bad, and I don't know what to do. Please come help me, I'm so sorry". Then I asked for Him to come into my life, because I figured that if the shit I had tried to remove It (casting, meditation, use of will) wasn't working then those things prolly were bullshit and I should go back to God.
Welp, After I said 'amen' I felt the demon's presence get flicked out of my house and my life. Instantly I felt like a giant black cloud was lifted, and for the first time in weeks I cried not because I was sad, but because I felt good.
Sometimes all you have to do is be present at the right time to get one to follow you around. Other times, just doing something the demon seems to find interesting is enough. If they feel they can attach themselves to you, they will. Ironicly you have to let them first. What I mean by that is that the second you let them spend quality time with you, even if you're just curious about a seemingly unrelated subject, have fun, cause It's gonna joyride on your back for a while.
I understand there are a few gaps within the logic I have put up here. It's not a shinning example of congruity, and that's because going any farther into my thoughts could cause some strife. I believe everyone has the right to make their own choices, and to voice their opinions. I also believe that one should be allowed to voice those opinions without being subjected to ridicule. So parts of my belief system that go along with this post I edited out for the sake of the feelings of other people who may not agree with me.
Unlike most Christians I try to have a live and let live policy. I just felt comfortable enough to get into this facet of my spirituality on the subject, hope you don't mind.