announcer: Ladies and gentlemen!! the host of today's show!! Bob Saget!!!
crowd: *clap* *clap* *clap*
Bob: Goodevening everyone! Today I'd like to talk to you about one of the most amazing inventions ever created in human history... The Penis.
Since the beginning of time, Humanity has been blessed with this wonderful appendage. The penis has helped us evolve through the ages, and now in the 21st century, it has more uses then ever before!!
Lady in crowd: Like what bob?!
Bob: I'm very glad you asked ma'am, you see.. The penis has many uses these days
It's the perfect paper weight, for instance. Not only that, but when giving a lecture, you can pull out your penis and point with it!
In the bathroom, your penis can be used to unclog drains! Or use it as a towel rack! How amazing is that?
audience: *clap* *clap* *clap*
Bob: Personally, I think the best place you can use your penis is in the kitchen.
You see folks, the penis it perfect for pounding tough meats, stirring soups, and testing the tempeture of apple pies!
It also slices! Dices! And makes it's own gravy!!!
Lady in the Audience: But does it make curly fries?!
Bob: Of course! What penis would be complete if it didn't make curly fries?!
Here's the best part, if you call now you will recieve one 6 1/2 inch penis, two large hairy balls (these are perfect for scrubbing pots and pans.. you'll be amazed!), and for a limited time we'll add in something to toss your salad! Isn't that lovely!?
All of this for $29.95!
So! call the number at the bottom of your screen, and get your own penis today!