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puking out your butt 2000-08-08 14:37:00
by obrien
This is probably the most pointless thing you have ever read but it's better than me telling you how heavy my flow is, right?

I was thinking today that alcoholics must not shit like regular people. I mean, I try to only drink on the weekends and it still fucks up my intestines for most of the week. So I was trying to think up a detailed story to describe what just happened to my ass when I had a revelation. (But first, the story)

An alcoholic's normal bowel movement: Suddenly, (we're talking no warning whatsoever) the alcoholic's asshole opens wide enough to shove a B-52 (the bomber, not the band, although either would work) in there. If the alcoholic can make it to the bathroom fast enough, tonight won't be laundry night. Then, with a force like the fist of God herself, vodka and beer and whiskey shoots out of the alcoholic's ass (mixed with semi-digested food, if the alcoholic managed to eat).
Thus: alcoholics puke out their ass.

So all of you people out there that are still drinking when I'm puking, and talk about how "I've never thrown up from alcohol", I know that tomorrow, possibly the next day, you'll be puking from the butt.