| fun with leftovers! | by scrantoine |
| Ok, to those who don't know it, my step-father is an asshole. I'm not talking about your ordinary everyday asshole, I'm talking about the kind that make you want to misinterpret the Second Amendment, go out and get yourself a gun, then enjoy watching their eyes fly in a different direction than the rest of the gibletts that once constituted their head. I swear my step-father makes me want to commit homocide in the worst ways. Today was one of those times that he just makes me laugh at his pathetic excuse for an existance. Monday night Marasmus, Chevy, and Forge came to my house to go get Incubus tickets. I just happened to be eating dinner at that time, so I encased the leftovers in a plastic container and went on my happy way. No big deal, the next night I pulled out some leftovers (here is the key, I pulled out DIFFERENT leftovers, not the leftovers from Monday night) and proceded to eat the DIFFERENT leftovers. So this morning I wake up and jump in the shower, brush my teeth, dress, and head out into the kitchen to do the gay chores I do everyday. Well, mister Homosexuality himself stops me in the kitchen. He then gives me this lecture on how I did not "perform the proper and necessary actions when eating leftovers". At this point, I was perplexed, but not for long. After about 5 seconds of bewilderment, I broke out in hysterical laughter and almost fell on the floor. My step-father takes everything very seriously, much like a robot or any other non-feeling organism, so he took great offense to my laughter. This caused him to go off on a tangent about how I was in the wrong because I did not eat the proper leftovers and choose to eat the other leftovers. Lest we forget, this means to him that I am an idiot or a moron because I didn't eat the leftovers in the proper and correct order. Upon hearing this, I asked him, "So what is the proper and correct way of smoking crack?" Well, needless to say I blew up in more laughter and he became enraged. My mother stepped in, called him an obsesive moron, then she told me to stop patronizing him. I merrily withdrew knowing that I 0wned him, and he continued to get ready for work knowing I kicked his ass. The moral of the story is: Don't take crap from anyone, especially the ignorant. | |