Forums Archive -> Message Board

Holla! 2004-04-20 17:09:49
by marasmus
This is a call-out to all the VectorStar members I don't regularly talk to... I haven't heard from a lot of you in a damn long time and want to get some sort of idea of how things are going overall! Your insight may very well help determine where we go with VectorStar in the months and years to come.

Here's a bit of an update as to what's been going on around VectorStar and with me. These sorts of updates used to be a lot more frequent, and I think they gave a lot of people a good 'feel' for how VectorStar was doing. A return to that may do us as a group some good.
I've spent about 3 weeks out of work on disability for what is officially deemed 'panic disorder' - an illness where one suffers repeated, extremely severe 'attacks' of incredible anxiety, disorientation, high heartrate, cold sweats, shakiness, etc... The minor 'attacks' crept up on me since my motorcycle wreck and I didn't really see them coming on. But on two separate occasions I suffered attacks so bad that they kept me out of work for 4 days at a time. Both times I ended up in the hospital for the better part of a day. Definitely some bad shit. After the second major attack I just hit a breaking point... Things simply could not continue as they were going- These attacks and whatever were causing them had ruined my ability to live my life.

Those of you who've been around may remember that about 5 years ago we had a side project called "FeelReal", an anti-pharmaceutical advocacy project aimed specifically at the massively-growing trend by doctors to classify every mental strain as a sign of mental illness, moreover, depression. FeelReal fell by the wayside as the main guy behind it went his own way in life, and I didn't have enough interest in it to carry it on alone. So it sort of disappeared... but the underlying ideas and beliefs behind it are still very much alive. I wholeheartedly believe that depression and its 'sister'-illness, anxiety disorders, to be grossly overdiagnosed and mistreated. I believe this is caused most by a tendency in medicine to treat the symptoms instead of the cause of problems... putting band-aids over a cancerous growth underneath. So many doctors will run into a patient (such as me) whose symptoms are black-and-white anxiety disorder and will say, "You have classic anxiety disorder. This is a known illness. Just take this medication and in a while you will feel better." The problem is that "Just" word. That's all they say is needed to resolve these problems. But their recommendation doesn't resolve the problem at all - it covers over the symptoms for a while and hopes that in the meantime you come to terms with the real problem on your own. Without any help from them. Just a signature for a script and they send you on out the door. It gives me the feeling doctors no longer care for the people they 'care' for, if you get my drift. I don't buy into that way of thinking and doubt I ever will.

Most peoples' depression and anxiety are caused by factors in their daily life that can be changed, but due to a mental block on the part of the person (often due only to habit), they don't see any ways to remedy those factors. Most people can get around these mental blocks with some good quality conversation with a couple trusted friends. In fact, regular conversation with friends breaks down most of these mental blocks before you ever realize they're even there! Some problems and hang-ups tend to get real big and complicated, and that's why they get past the early stage of conversational resolution.

For me, a decrease in such conversation built up over time into a really big shitball of stress and mental roadblocks that ultimately lead to the severe, hospitalizing panic attacks. I was in a bike wreck and lost a FANTASTIC conversation piece as well as an entire mode of conversation. Rider conversation is such a wonderful, relaxed thing. It's so hard to describe to people who don't ride, especially to city-folk. It's like the old rural sit-on-your-neighbor's-porch and just slowly talk the afternoon away sort of thing that happens out in the real mid-west. Due to the wreck and a number of related complications, I stopped going out and socializing for a while, and sort of lost touch on how to do that again, especially without the bike as a "door-opener". I quit smoking, and thus stopped socializing at work. Additionally many of the other smokers at work have left the company over the last year, so there have been fewer people with whom to chat. All in all, I had managed to close off just about all my connections to friends and peers without realizing it.

Ultimately, I believe that good friends, good community and good conversation can and will do more to improve and resolve depression and anxiety than any amount of tranquilizers or antidepressants. The conversation really goes after the heart of the problem and resolves it, instead of just masking over the symptoms. Regardless, I've been prescribed antidepressants and tranquilizers that I disagree with in principle but begrudgingly accept in practice, because I now understand the severity of fully-manifested panic disorder. I don't like them and I don't want to take them any more than is absolutely necessary, and ultimately I don't intend on relying on them to resolve this problem. I'm going after the source- working on opening up my conversations to friends, on getting out and socializing a bit more, to provide a more well-rounded life overall.

Well enough on me, let's get on to VectorStar - The administration system is damn close to completion, but I haven't touched it in over a month now. There are 3 users beta-testing different portions of it right now. There are a couple bugs that were really hanging me up the last time I looked at them. Once we get around the two or three outstanding bugs it shouldn't be long at all until the base system is rolled out to all of you to use! FINALLY some sense of PROGRESS around here! All that work over the last 2 years on hardware abstraction and service modularization was done so this administration system could be written and allow us to scale from the hundreds of users range to the thousands, or even tens of thousands, if necessary. We're finally within sight distance of that goal... It's a relaxing feeling to see that sort of effort finally start coming together, even if all the other "staff" members have stopped contributing (cough, cough)!!

I'd really love to hear from you all... see how VectorStar's treating you, how it could could be made better. Speak up! And ignore the usual hecklers around here- the "staff" can be a pretty narcissistic crowd, but they don't mean any harm by it... it's just their idea of a good time and a fun conversation. Heckle back :)

Re: Holla! 2004-04-23 18:42:04
by anon-e-mouse
Unfuckingbelievable. This guy pours out his heart and soul and not one of you scumbags even has the decency to respond.
Re: Holla! 2004-04-24 14:40:34
by No Name
Oh Please. Apparently Mr. Cry-for-Attention needs to hear from other people now he's feeling down.

I seem to recall other posts in which our friend had no problems laughing at other people but stop everything now, Marasmus has some personal problems.

Step outside, inhale some real air and be a man.

Re: Holla! 2004-04-25 01:16:00
by kmartcowboy
Hey, "NO NAME" hows about I show you what a real man is by shoving my godamned fist down your fucking throat. Most of us on this board know each other to one degree or another, thus harassment of your peers is not only allowed but expected. This probably stems from the fact that everyone that was here in the begining did this and expected it back from those around them. Now, the newer users may be more sensitive to this kind of treatment but that is something that comes with being involved with this "community" when on a board full self-described assholes. However, it is my belief that when a man who spends a good potion of his free time and a good potion of his income working on this "community" to give free services, webspace, and a place to openly speak your mind, no matter if you get shit for it or not, should get some form of respect from the people who use his free services. This was an honest attempt to get input from the users and see what could be improved or worked on. The only time Marasmus gets input is when the mail-server goes down or some other problem arises that inconviences a user wanting flawless service from a dream put together by a handful of guys in there living room. FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! You need a foot stuck up your ass. Email me if you are so inclined...;)
Re: Holla! 2004-04-25 03:43:38
by stale
I love the internet, it allows people to act like hardasses while being completely anonymous. Some people are just down-right assholes. Dick.
Re: Holla! 2004-04-25 23:43:43
by vahman
I agree with you completely Frank. People act like hardasses and think they can say whatever the hell they want without any penalty on the Internet. I will feel free to give you all of my contact information "No Name" (interesting you talk mad shit but can't even throw down at least your name), just to insure you understand I am not the same pansy ass breed as you. We definitely give lots of people shit on this messageboard, that is what we do.......but it's all in good fun, and knowing we are going to take some shit back in return. We all laugh, and go on about our day. Now, when someone has a real problem, we are there for them. Laird was informing most people here of his issues so that we were more knowledgeable about his status as well as Vectorstar's. He wasn't telling us so that we could feel sorry for him and tell him what a great guy he is, cause those of us that know him already know that. Just think before you talk.....and here you go.

Jason Daunt

Re: Holla! 2004-04-26 00:32:18
by soepnel
"see how VectorStar's treating you, how it could could be made better" Vectorstar is treating me just fine, i've been a member for a while now (since 2000 perhaps), and it's been great. Loosing the shell accounts and imposing bandwidth restrictions sucked a little, but I know it was all necessary. This is a unique place, it'll be nice when signups begin and the userbase starts to grow again. I wish you all the best with the problems in your post, it sounds like you're starting to get things sorted though :)
Re: Holla! 2004-04-26 01:37:17
by jake
I don't think I've ever posted, but I read this board religiously and try to keep up with Vectorstar's happenings. I have nothing really to contribute; I just want to say something. I've had an acccount with vector since I was shitting green (at least 12...) Vector has been there for me as a digital vent for a lot of hard times. I just want to tell the staff: Thank you. The project has provided me with a lot to work with and it helps. And I remember the FeelReal project and look forward to its progress in the future. A lot of people need something like that, including me. In a world where the solution is silence and drugs, being 16, I understand. Doctors are wasting a lot of ink on writing those prescriptions. Keep it up guys. If I can ever help, I'm loyal to the end.
Re: Holla! 2004-04-26 09:10:29
by caridwen
Whoa, I stop paying attention for a few days and I come back to some interesting shit. Figures.
Like Jake I've been with this interesting experiment for fucking forever it seems... shit, I remember when the user list was eight people and I was listed as "our west coast gurl..". Damn, like 1998 and shit.
Frankly I'm one lucky bitch. Never have had to pay for a damned thing, knowing the staff personally, usually getting what I want (such as webpage building, and putty using lessons from Laird).
I remember one time the e-mail server crashed and Laird restored every last e-mail I had saved within six hours of having everything back up. Of course it happened again three weeks later and everything I had was banished into internet hell never to be seen again, but that's life. But anyway, I've always noticed that my personally known ass never got special treatment. In fact everybody using this shit always got treated as well as I did. Even if the staff has a few self-important assholes.. *cough*frank*cough* :>
Oh, and Laird happens to be a very good friend of mine who I happen to care for a great deal. He's an absolutely great guy, with a bigger dick then most of the white American male population. He's also been on the receiving end of a 3,000 mile booty call - which I doubt can be claimed by the aforementioned lame-ass momma's-basement-dwelling parties - another testament to Laird's character (shit, he got his house cleaned to boot).

That is all.

Re: Holla! 2004-04-26 13:58:24
by forge
Well alrighty, i got plenty of blades and it's time to cut the bullshit.
I've been around here since things started, and not to be redundant but Frank and Jason are 1000% correct in their point of people using internet anonymity to become self proclaimed badasses and treat others like shit.

Quite frankly I won't stand for that. Chevy's right in wanting to provide yet another service, VectorStar catered boot parties... we deliver!

Not to steal any of his glory but Jason's not alone in wanting to box with some of the more retarded bunch that occasionally post to our boards. I'm all for setting up a boxing competition between the VS staff and our would-be tough guys. Some people have a god complex. I don't need one to know I'm like The Jesus, and I will choke a bitch.

Laird's the man, period. If anyone wants to say otherwise then by all means, go for it. But don't be a complete cock. We jest, we have fun, we get torn apart in return. That's the way our little world spins. This is our house, and if ya don't like it ya can get the fuck out.

And on that note, i'm off like a prom dress. Don't forget to lick'em. Bitches!

Re: Holla! 2004-04-26 17:50:27
by Ex-...?
Strange, apparently I talk "mad shit" yet contrary to most (if not all) posts here I didn't resort to the use of profanity.

Idiosyncratic of the staff here.

I'm not wasting any more of your precious bandwith on this as frankly, I don't have the time.

I just think that from the cryptic user name, you should be able to ascertain who I am and what my problem with Marasmus' is.

Re: Holla! 2004-04-26 21:01:19
by anon-e-mouse
So you're some old cum slut that Marasamus cut lose and now your here to whine like a little bitch? What's your point?
Angry 'cuz you aint getting the wang no more?
Re: Holla! 2004-04-26 21:54:46
by marasmus
Dear Ms. 'unimportant',
You've _always_ known where to find me if you wanted to say something. If you'd prefer to let your spite fester indefinitely, go ahead and knock yourself out. If you do actually want to say something, you can always email me. The door's open.
Re: Holla! 2004-04-27 00:09:27
by vahman
Well, I am not quite sure what is going on, all I can add at this point is......

I won't hit a bitch, but I will slap a ho.

Re: Holla! 2004-04-27 01:51:31
by caridwen
Vahman: bahahaha. right on.
Re: Holla! 2004-04-27 15:00:52
by stale
Jason's part Indian. I think his dad's side is from the slapaho tribe.
Re: Holla! 2004-04-27 15:01:09
by Lokey
Haven't looked at VectorStar's news is quite a while and look what I've missed. I need to start paying attention. VectorStar is treating me fine, and good to see you back on here keeping with updates and what not Laird. If you need anything, ever you know how to find me, email or phone or whatever. Josh
Re: Holla! 2004-05-02 00:08:00
by nugget
Since joining up with VectorStar, I've never looked back. The combination of excellent support- (every email I've sent to marasmus has come back with a quick reply and helpful answer) and *mostly* friendly community cannot be found anywhere else on the web... Cant wait for the new system to be finished :] On a final note, best of luck in the future Marasmus!
Re: Holla! 2004-05-04 22:07:27
by jeremy
Re: Holla! 2004-05-04 23:19:57
by toby
I was wondering what happened to you. Haven't seen any problematic emails from you. Well good job holding the sign, and remember to boil your water first!
Re: Holla! 2004-05-08 02:23:45
by smarta
I hope things get better for you Laird. I think the staff has been doing great work here. It's always good to see progress.
Re: Holla! 2004-05-14 12:56:19
by scrantoine
I have been a member of this community for some time now. This is my primary means of keeping up with you lunatics back home. I have no complaints about the service and if it gets better...huzzah! Keep up the good work Laird.
Re: Holla! 2004-05-14 17:57:59
by luuvmuffen
Hot damn! this board is alive and kickin again. shit. i've Been with vectorstar since Stale hooked me up in late 2001 and have come to know this crew of retards very well. I'll go to bat for anyone of them, so if you gotta problem with them you gotta problem with me. DICK.